I am not your inspiration… unless I am! - Grace Stewart-Skinner

I would like to make it clear that I am only writing from my own experiences and thoughts here, I am by no means talking for the whole disabled community. 

I play the clàrsach, that’s my thing, I also have cerebral palsy, that’s also a thing (but a side hustle really).  CP is a disability caused by a brain injury, usually at birth.  When I was born my parents were told that I may not ever walk or talk – Ohhh how those doctors were wrong! I walked with a frame and used Makaton (a simple form of sign language) until I was about 6 and attended physio and speech therapy into my teens.   Despite this, I didn’t even think of myself as ‘disabled’ until I was 12.

I started playing clàrsach around about the same time that I was becoming more aware of my CP and for a few years I let disability get in the way of my progress.  Dexterity and fine motor skills, useful for playing an instrument, are not my strong suits and I barely used my left hand when I first started playing.

Pursuing music at school gave me the kick up the bum I needed.  I am very lucky that I was never discouraged from studying music but when it got to exams, there were concerns around whether I would physically reach the standard in the available time. I smashed Nat 5. I smashed Higher. Advanced Higher? Walk in the park. 

The mere suggestion that my physical capabilities might prevent me from doing something was enough to make me determined that they wouldn’t.

I have never felt excluded in the traditional music scene because of my disability. On the whole, I have found it to be an extremely welcoming and understanding environment.  My biggest frustration with being disabled in terms of my musical life is not being able to transport my clàrsach myself.  When I moved to Edinburgh, I realised if I wanted to go to a session, I had to suck it up and message people I didn’t know to ask them to help me.  I feel very lucky to have never had a problem with this.  I have to trust people, some of whom I hardly know, with the most important material thing in my life and let them into my flat, late at night and often after drinking.  Thankfully, I have only ever had one bad experience in this regard, and I have found that most people are absolutely lovely! I am so grateful to anyone who has ever carried my clàrsach.

I have missed out on one music opportunity because of my disability.  A potential clàrsach pupil checked out my musician page on Facebook and after watching a video, she decided that there would be a communication problem.  I was upset but I respect her decision and understand that I might not be the right person for her.  This was the first time in my adult life that I was aware of someone making a judgment about me because of my disability and sadly it meant that I missed out on a teaching opportunity. 

I have been told that by playing the clàrsach I am inspirational.  I really appreciate the sentiment and am sure that it is meant it in the best possible way.  But there is a difference between someone being inspired by you and someone admiring or appreciating you.  Now, unless you have actively done something as a result of seeing me play, I am not your inspiration.  Feel free to admire me, appreciate that playing is physically harder for me, but ask yourself, have I inspired you? 

A wee girl and her mum came up to me after a small gig I played on my home turf in the Highlands to say how much they loved my playing.  A good while later I met them again, the mum said that, after coming to my gig, her daughter had decided to start clàrsach lessons and is now busking and gigging.   I felt overwhelmed that I had made such an impact on someone, especially after they had only seen me once.  I am humbled to have played a part in this girls’ musical journey. I suppose in this instance, I was an inspiration!

In 2017 I received an ‘Inspiration’ Award at Na Trads. While this award gave me immense bragging rights, I felt conflicted; was I being awarded for being a disabled person who plays the clàrsach? I had also recently busked my way to buying a clàrsach and that is probably the main reason I got the award; for being determined, both in raising money and in sticking with an instrument, despite facing more challenges than others. I was just confused as to why my disability had been mentioned at all.

The reason why I feel uncomfortable with being called an inspiration is because it is a word that is often misused by able-bodied people to describe disabled people.  Disabled people are put on a pedestal when an able-bodied person doing the same thing would just be ‘really good at what they do.’

I don’t mention my disability on my professional social media, I don’t think it is relevant.  Why should my disability have any sway on whether you want to hire me?  People don’t hire musicians based on their shoe size or their eye colour, why should being abled or disabled be any different?  In most of my experiences, it isn’t.  This doesn’t mean we can get complacent.  I am only just embarking on my professional musical career.  I am sure there will be many things to overcome along the way, some because of my disability, some because I am a woman, some physical and practical, some due to bias and judgement.  Whatever happens, I am delighted to be a part of the traditional music community and I am so excited to make lovely music with lovely people!

You can find Grace Stewart Skinner on Facebook and Instagram.